Why surf instructors make the best boyfriends

I’m going to be honest with you and assume that you have already deduced from the title of this article that anything I list is probably total bullshit.

Hmm, why Surf Instructors make the best boyfriends, let’s see…reason number 1. They’re not.

Duh.

The terms “Surf Instructor” and “Good Boyfriend/Girlfriend” would take second for 2017’s award for “Most Messed Up Word Combo,” runner-up to “Donald Trump” and “POTUS”.

Even if you want to date a surfer, you probably chose to read this article just to see what kind of bullshit reasons I came up with. Surprise!

Trust me, if anyone has a reason to write a bogus list of “Why Surf Instructors Make Great Boyfriends,” it’s me.

I am a surf Instructor. That happens to live in a bustling surf town with a steady stream multinational tail everywhere in sight.

At this point, you might be asking yourself why the hell would I not list reasons of why all these bodacious surf honeys should date me and my colleagues? …So am I. But a few reasons come to mind.

1. To give Surfers and Instructors a voice, to let everyone know, we are as dumb as you think we are.

2. That it is proper etiquette to tip after a surf lesson.

3. To actually write an interesting article and not some internet drool all about how surfers are so damn awesome in bed. If you actually wanted the drool, go here:

http://www.theinertia.com/surf/7-reasons-to-date-a-girl-who-surfs/ Or here: http://www.theinertia.com/surf/date-a-girl-who-surfs/ Or try: http://www.sofeminine.co.uk/understanding-men/20-reasons-dating-a-surfer-is-like-winning-the-boyfriend-lottery-s1094398.html And here: http://www.sofeminine.co.uk/understanding-men/20-reasons-dating-a-surfer-is-like-winning-the-boyfriend-lottery-s1094398.html

You get the point right? Surfers and Instructors are being accurately stereotyped and its totally awesome. We have found a profound purpose in life, as bearers of ancient wisdom destined to teach the masses. Accurate or not, being stereotyped can hurt.

At the risk of seeming like a misogynist or whatever else offends people in 20-17, remember there are just as many female instructors as males that deal with the same, if not better dating perquisites. Overall, the issue is obvious, Surf Instructors are F-ing awesome.

Everyone wants in our wetsuits and who are we not to let them? But do you care about the surf instructors feelings? Im guessing no, you don’t, good. The magical ora that surrounds every instructor is too strong to ward off those seeking to ride waves, and their teachers. Our glistening muscles and easy-going attitudes can hypnotize anyone that steps foot on the beach.

We are happy to share our knowledge and skills in surfing with anyone interested, but what have our lives become? A metaphor of the very wetsuits we wear as uniforms. Wetsuits are meant to be worn to have fun in…and cast aside in the end, left to dry out and be used again when the time comes. I want to ask you, when do Surf Instructors become real people?

Well, I am here to tell you that we are people, with feelings, and awesome fucking tans

This article is satire

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About Tommy Michael 4 Articles
Tommy is a photographer/surfer who is most likely to either be seen surfing the barrels down at the river-mouth or cruising around town on his motorcycle. You can check out his photos at Bad Fish Photography.